


Candle In The Wind

by Loumakesmestrong



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, Non AU, Real Life, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, probly gay sex wey hey, x factor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:12:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loumakesmestrong/pseuds/Loumakesmestrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset when the rain set in. And your footsteps will always fall here along England's greenest hills. Your candle's burned out long before your legend ever will</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"...We've decided to put you both through to the judges houses"

—————

Harry smiled as he recalled all of the memories from the past several months; he was still in complete awe of what had happened to himself and his new bandmates. It was late October, and he had just arrived back to his shared quarters after rehearsing for their Halloween special on TXF; they were to sing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. 

He couldn't actually believe where his life was going; he had thousands of twitter followers, there were girls lined up outside of The X Factor studio, people even recognized him on the street! His bandmates were all incredible, the five of them instantly connecting and becoming the best of mates. In all, there was Liam, Niall, Zayn, Louis, and Harry, himself. 

Liam was easily the kindest, most genuine person that Harry had ever met. He had been on the X factor once before, two years ago, and he was one of the reasons that Harry worked as hard as he did during rehearsals. Liam deserved the whole world; there was no doubt about that in anyone's mind. He had a pair of big, doe-shaped brown eyes that were framed by straight, brown hair. Although, in theory, Liam may sound like he looks very plain, his eyes always had a glint of kindness and his face held an expression that assured anyone he spoke to that there was no person in the world he would rather be with. 

Niall was, well, for lack of better words, Irish. Although he had only just turned 17, he had a great liking for beer, and was absolutely obsessed with football and Ireland. He had a shock of blonde hair that rested messily on his head, stopping just before his laughing blue eyes. Niall found just about everything funny, especially anything that Louis did, and was always quick to make light of any situation given. 

Zayn was.... Well, Harry didn't exactly know how to describe Zayn. He was extremely quiet at first, very shy, very reserved, however after he became comfortable around his bandmates he ended up being one of the loudest, funniest blokes Harry had ever met. His pierced ears were covered by jet-black hair, which contrasted greatly with his hazel eyes. Zayn was the ladies man of the group. 

Louis was 18, turning 19 in December, with the energy of a four year old. He had long, silky brown hair that stopped just above his sky-blue eyes, and a smile that made Harry's heart skip a beat—platonically, of course. Louis had an affinity for pranking, laughing, yelling, and being utterly ridiculous at all times. He was loud and sarcastic; most of what he says would be mildly offensive if anyone other than himself were to say it. Every fan of TXF had easily fallen in love with Louis Tomlinson of Doncaster. 

Yes, Harry and Louis had easily become the best of friends; constantly getting into trouble by Liam or Simon(their mentor) for their antics. There was a certain quality about Louis that made Harry feel so alive, so fresh and excited—and slightly confused, as well. 

Harry pushed the thought of Louis out of his mind as Zayn walked in and plopped down on the sofa opposite him. 

"I think we're all going to have a bit to eat, fancy joining us?" Zayn reached into his pocket for a lighter, taking a fag from behind his ear. 

"Not in here, Zayn! You've got to go outside; you know Liam would have a fit," Harry half serious, half jokingly scolded Zayn. "But yes, I suppose I'll come eat. Where?" 

Zayn stood up and started walking toward the door, "dunno. Leaving now though so come on you tosser."

The five boys decided on a local pub; much to Niall's excitement, there was a football game on the tele and the whole pub was watching intently as Manchester United completely smashed Chelsea. 

After only thirty minutes, Harry was completely drunk from the crowd's energy at the pub. Louis, however, being 18, was drunk off of some ridiculously girly bright green drink. Louis hated the taste of alcohol, so he instead drank what Niall called "bitch drinks."

"Harryyyyyyyyyy I can't wait until you're eighteeeeeeeen it's no fun when I drink all aloneeeeeee!" Louis called to Harry from the other side of the table. 

"Well then why don't you buy some alcohol and we can make bitch drinks back at the flat and get drunk together," Harry hopefully replied. Nobody would ever let him drink, seeing as how he was only sixteen. 

"I will sometime, Harold. Just when the others are out so I don't get in trouble," Louis attempted at whispering, although his fits of giggling wasn't helping his case. 

Harry put on an expression of mock-disappointment, hoping that Louis would fall for it; but he quickly changed his mood to mockery, in the hopes of Louis being just upset enough to let him drink. 

"Why do you drink those bitch drinks, anyways Louis? Can't handle a real one?" Harry smirked across the table. 

Louis leaned in closely, breath tickling Harry's cheeks, and whispered, "because it's the colour of your eyes."

_____________________

Nearly a week later as they sat on the stairs while recording a video diary, Harry took a moment to fully appreciate his eldest band mate. 

Louis truly was a picture; although a picture couldn't even begin to describe his best friend. He was loud, sarcastic, utterly ridiculous, and downright crazy. Louis had an affinity to wear scarves and toms—something that was quite unusual, although Harry had learned to always expect the unexpected when it came to the boy sitting next to him. 

His sense of humor was one of his best qualities; he was always able to laugh at one thing or another (one of these things was frequently Harry, which made him squirm for reasons he was quite unsure of.) 

Another thing that Harry absolutely adored about Louis was his love for people that he cares about. He had obviously been through quite a bit with his father, and now his mother's divorce with his step-father. Through all of this, however, Louis had developed a great deal of love and devotion to his mother and sisters. He completely doted on all of his sisters, and loved his mother more than most people thought possible for a boy of his age. 

Harry found himself constantly looking at Louis, many times longer than necessary, and always wanting to be touching him. Even now, in a video, in front of the other three boys and everyone who would watch their videos, he found it extremely hard to keep his hands to himself. 

But this was all completely platonic. Harry simply looked up to Louis, he was a role model to him, somebody Harry only wished he could someday be more like. 

_________________

More than ever before, Harry was finding himself constantly thinking of Louis. Of talking to him, touching him, and only in his wildest dream he even /kissed/ him! Harry of course blamed this on not being around anyone other than Louis and his band, he hadn't had the time to even think of a girl. When he awoke from such dreams, he simply imagined any fit girl that he could think of until his breathing evened out. (For a split second he wondered why thinking of a fit girl made him /calm/, but he quickly pushed that thought from his mind and refused to ponder it for another second.)

After exactly a week of Harry having dreams of Louis, and sometimes even waking up with a particularly uncomfortable bulge in his trousers, Harry decided that something had to be done. 

He had to find a girl. 

_______________________

"Zayn, I, um, need your help with something?" Harry was very nervous and embarrassed to have to ask for help, but he wasn't exactly good with women. 

"What's up?" Zayn took a long drag from his cigarette, slowly letting the smoke fill up his lungs before exhaling into the cold, autumn air. 

Harry fidgeted a bit, before finally saying: "I need to get a girl. Like, badly."

"Oh yes, yes you do."

_______________

Harry looked at himself in the mirror, slightly nervous for what was to come. Zayn had almost immediately set him up with a girl that he had met a few weeks ago, she was 17, tall, blonde, and incredibly fit. As he was slipping on his shoes, Louis walked in—making Harry's stomach flip. 

"And where do you think you're going, curly? The other lads are going out tonight and I even rented movies for us!" He exclaimed, slightly frowning.

And yeah, Harry did have a date with a girl who was probably more than willing to spread her legs for him, and, yeah, most guys would definitely not pass that up to watch movies with a friend, and, yeah, Louis was actually the problem that Harry was avoiding. 

But Harry never once thought about not staying there with Louis. 

"I was just going to look for you, actually. What movies did you rent?" Harry smiled at Louis, taking off his shoes and falling back onto the sofa. 

"Oh, I don't know actually. They're probably both shit, but who cares. I get a night in with my young Harold," Louis called from the kitchen as he put tea on. 

Louis came over to the sofa after finishing with their tea, and, instead of sitting on a different one, or even the opposite side, he sat down in between Harry and the arm-rest, immediately pulling Harry's and his own legs up onto the cushion and intertwining them and allowing Harry to lay back onto his chest. 

This was something had Harry's heart beating ridiculously fast, although they did it every time they were together. It was almost natural for them to always be as close as possible. 

________

Later that night, after Louis fell asleep, Harry found himself admiring his friend. He was so peaceful in his sleep, his expression serene and beautiful. 

His fringe was scattered all over the place in a wonderfully messy manner and his long eyelashes were fanned over his high cheekbones. Harry moved his hand to rest on Louis' chest, feeling it rise and fall rhythmically. 

All at once, Harry's feelings for Louis hit him like a train-wreck. He loved him. 

Harry loved Louis, and he wasn't scared, he wasn't unsure of what to do. In fact, he felt everything suddenly clear up. 

As he fell asleep that night, his last words were a hushed "I love you," and he drifted off into a sleep full of Louis and love and everything that was good in the world. 

___________________


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset, when the rain set in. And your footsteps will always fall here along England's greenest hills. Your candle's burned out long before your legend ever will

Louis thought about his future quite often, always imagining himself being an extremely successful solo artist. However, he never imagined it to be anything like what he was experiencing at the moment. 

One Direction were now playing in the live shows of TXF, and none of them could believe it. Louis felt like it was all a complete dream; he couldn't have possibly gotten this lucky!

He absolutely loved each and every member of his band, all four of them contributing something different and unique to their sound. Louis had easily fallen into step with his bandmates, all of them getting along quite well. 

They all had their specific roles, as well. Liam was responsible; he kept the other boys on track, constantly reminding them of what they were truly there for. Zayn was the best listener, someone that would never judge or condemn; he and Louis formed a very close bond immediately. Niall was the most easy-going; he laughed a lot, and was an amazing person to be around at all times. Harry was the baby; he was young and innocent and cheeky and by far Louis' favourite member. Louis was the prankster; the one who was constantly being scolded by Liam. 

All in all, they formed a quite amazing group and Louis was immensely grateful for each boy. He was quite fond of Harry, though. 

He looked down at his youngest bandmate and best friend, who was laying on Louis' chest, legs tangled at the end of the couch. They were watching a random movie that Louis had picked up at a kiosk outside of tesco; but he couldn't be arsed to pay any attention. 

Harry's dark brown curls were strewn all across his forehead, reaching Louis' chest in messy ringlets. He could see Harry's bright green eyes that were intensely focused on the tele screen. His expression was serious; whatever movie Louis had rented was clearly very good. Louis smiled at Harry and carded his fingers through the mass of hair that rested on his chest, before drifting off into dreams full of Harry.  
___________

Louis woke up the next morning with Harry still snuggled close to him, and a rather obvious boner pressed into his side. 

He decided to save Harry the embarrassment and carefully rose from the couch to take a shower. Turning the knob as hot as it would go, he quickly undressed and stepped under the water. 

Louis needed to sort some things out. It was obvious that Harry looked up to him quite a good bit, and that their relationship was a little.... odd. But there was nothing between the two; they simply had a strong bond. 

Moreover, Louis wasn't gay; and Harry wasn't either. Louis wasn't even a virgin for crying out loud! He's always liked girls! 

And, okay, even if Louis /was/ gay, Harry was only sixteen years old! Louis was nearly nineteen, that couldn't possibly work out; he's just a child!

He's a young teenaged boy who never has time for girls, and sleeping with his dick up against something wasn't helping anything! All the poor lad needed was a nice magazine, some lotion, and his right hand. 

Louis didn't love Harry and Harry didn't love Louis. It was as simple as that. 

 

When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw that Harry was still fast asleep. Walking over to him, Louis was extremely surprised to hear his name leaving Harry's lips in a quiet whimper. 

"Louis, Louis, Louis, yes yes..."

 

____________

 

Two months later,  
one week before Louis' 19th birthday

 

Over the past two months, Louis had discovered two things: 1) Louis did, in fact, love Harry. About a week after the "dream incident," as he called it, Louis told Zayn everything. 

Somewhere along the way, Louis subconsciously fell for the boy with the bright green eyes. He didn't know how, or why, or even when it had happened but Louis had fallen hard. 

There was something about Harry. Something that was captivating and endearing and just so /Harry./ Something in the way he looked at Louis, like he had painted the sky and hung the stars. Something in the gentleness of the way Harry touched him, the way Harry cared for him when he was sick. 

And 2) that Louis wasn't necessarily /gay./ His feelings for Harry have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Harry has a dick; the idea of that actually terrified him. He still thought girls were fit and no guy other than Harry turned him on. 

Because of this, Louis figured that he could just sweep it all under a rug. He still liked girls, and he could keep his feelings for Harry under control so that nobody other than Zayn would know. 

Sadly, however, this meant that Louis had to avoid Harry. For the past two months, Louis had been spending less and less time with him, and more and more time with Zayn. 

Louis was disgusted with himself; how could he let himself fall in love with a bloody child! Harry was so young and so innocent and fresh and Louis couldn't allow himself to ruin Harry. 

So, Louis would have to suffer for Harry to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but I wanted to have Louis' POV. I reckon it's moving pretty fast but I'm covering a lot so basically yeah. 80 reads and I didn't promo a bit so that's pretty dope thanks for reading x
> 
> Oh and the title is Elton John's "Candle In The Wind" & the summary comes from the remake that he did for Lady Diana at her funeral. Lovely woman, lovely song. R.I.P.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset when the rain set in. And your footsteps will always fall here along England's greenest hills. You're candle's burned out long before your legend ever will.

December 24th,  
Louis' birthday party

Harry didn't know what had happened, or where things had gone wrong. One moment he and Louis were best friends, completely inseparable; the next, they were barely even speaking. Harry tried talking to him and hanging out with him, but Louis was only interested in Zayn. 

But tonight, Louis couldn't avoid him. Harry was going to tell him /everything,/ and that was final. 

The fans were catching onto things between the two, coining them "Larry Stylinson," and absolutely adoring it. Louis pretended in front of cameras, he acted like they were still the best of friends—but Harry knew better. Things had changed ever since the night that they fell asleep on the sofa together.

Due to their ever-growing careers, the boys weren't able to go home for Christmas this year; they had commitments the 23rd and 26th. So, instead, the boys spent their first Christmas together as a family. They threw Louis an extravagant birthday party that everyone from TXF and a few of their London friends attended. 

There was a full bar that Harry got some liquid courage in, before finally finding Louis in the crowd. 

He grabbed his arm and leaned in closely, "Lou, we need to talk. Now." He left no time for discussion and before Louis knew it he was sitting on top of Harry's bed. 

"Harold, what are you doing?" Louis whispered, "there are people here and I'd like to spend my birthday party out there."

Harry sighed and ran his fingers through is hair, "no, Louis. We need to talk, and we're doing it right now."

Louis sighed, very long and exaggerated, "fine. What do you want to talk about, Harry?"

"What the fuck has been going on with you? One minute we're best friends and the next you won't even have a conversation with me without huffing about it," Harry eyed him carefully. "I mean for God's sake you're going to make me fall in love with you and then just cut me off completely? Not even tell me why? Fuck, Louis."

Louis' expression wavered before turning hard, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you fucking do! You know exactly what I'm talking about and we're not leaving this room until I get an answer!" Harry unintentionally raised his voice. 

"Listen Harry, whatever I led you to believe is wrong, okay? You don't love me and I don't love you. Now move on with your life and stop following me around like some kind of lost puppy," he firmly stated. 

And with that, Harry sat down on the bed next to Louis and leaned closer. His face was right in front of Louis', their breath mingling, making Harry's heart stutter. He slowly closed the space between their lips, kissing slowly, tentatively. 

Harry let himself enjoy the feel of Louis' soft lips against his own, the sound that they made as their mouths came apart and reconnected. After a moment, Louis began kissing Harry back. With the encouragement, Harry put on hand on Louis' waist and brought the other to hold his head. Swiping his thumb across his high cheekbone, Harry opened his mouth and licked Louis' bottom lip. Louis quickly complied, opening his as well and allowing Harry to taste the inside of his mouth. Harry sighed into the kiss, finally content with what was happening. 

All too soon, however, Louis pulled away with a solemn look. "Harry, I-we can't do this. You're so young and fresh; you deserve so much more than I can offer, someone so much better than me. And think of the other lads, Harry. What if we don't work out? We can't risk it, I won't risk it. I love you so, so much; but I can't. I'm sorry"

Before Harry had time to process anything that Louis had said, he was already out the door. 

_________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically I skipped school today and I'm super bored so here we are. This is short but it's all I have to say lol. Thanks for reading x


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset, when the rain set in. And your footsteps will always fall here along England's greenest hills. Your candle's burned out long before your legend ever will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the part where most authors apologize for it taking so long but I don't think anyone lost any sleep over it so without further ado here's my shitty filler chapter. Oh and idk if anyone is reading/enjoying this lol I'm literally writing this for my own enjoyment

Harry sat on his bed for what seemed like hours, staring at the door that Louis had walked out of. He thought of everything that he should've said, "you're everything I want, everything I need, and more. I know we'll work out, Lou. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I love you so much, so much that it hurts, okay? How can you not see that? I know you love me too, I know you do. You have to."

He wanted to go after him, to fight; but he was completely paralyzed, left to do nothing but stare. 

Louis was Harry's entire life, all he had ever dreamed of, all he ever wanted—and more. Harry had never been in love before, but he /knew/ that this was it. All he ever thought about was Louis, he was all Harry dreamt about. When they were together, Harry couldn't stop looking at Louis; he always wanted to touch him, to run his fingers through soft, brown hair and to feel warm lips against his. Every time Harry caught Louis' eye his stomach would erupt in butterflies and he would go weak in the knees. 

Harry just didn't understand why Louis had to be so difficult. Harry loved him, and he was sure that Louis loved him back. So why couldn't they be together? 

The question kept him awake that night—as it did for many nights to come. 

 

____________________________________

 

February 2011  
Two months later

 

One Direction were easily the most famous band in all of the United Kingdom, arguably the most famous in the rest of Europe, and their fame was seeping into other parts of the world everyday. Their careers had taken off; every teenage girl in all of the UK had their faces plastered on their bedroom walls. 

They were planning to release their first studio album later that year; and it was predicted to top the charts in numerous countries. 

Despite all of this, however, Louis' life was a living hell. 

"Larry Stylinson" was everywhere, every interviewer asked about it, every tweet talked about it. Obviously, they were left to pretend. They acted on camera; they sent phony tweets. 

The truth was, Harry and Louis hadn't spoken unless necessary since Louis' birthday party. Every time Louis saw Harry it was like someone was stabbing him in his chest; and it didn't help that Harry looked like a kicked puppy 100% of the time. 

But Louis had to do this. He couldn't risk Harry getting hurt, or people saying bad things about him for being gay. They had to think of the band, of their fans. They couldn't do it. 

There was also a bigger reason—though Louis only thought of it during those late nights where he couldn't sleep and was dangerously close to going into Harry's room. Louis felt like a sick bastard. Harry was so young, he was like a child; and Louis was old and disgusting for even /thinking/ of Harry in that way. He was sure that Harry hadn't even seen a girl shirtless; yet here he was having fantasies of Harry in a lot less than a shirt! The idea of him being so innocent and willing made Louis extremely hot under the collar; but it also made him hate himself for being turned on by Harry's youth. 

This was the biggest reason that Louis had turned Harry down—and why he still hadn't given in yet. 

 

___________________

 

April 2011  
Two months after   
the two months later 

 

Not a night went by that Harry didn't cry himself to sleep. He knew that his life was great and he was living his dream; but how could he enjoy it with a broken heart? Louis' rejection had completely destroyed him. It had taken everything. 

Harry was now simply an empty shell. He smiled for cameras and faked for interviews and the fans. Nothing mattered to him anymore. He didn't care that they were crazy famous and that he could have any girl or guy that he wanted. Louis was all he wanted, and he took everything when he walked out of Harry's bedroom door. 

Harry still dreamt of Louis, he still thought of him every moment of every day. When they were around each other all Harry wanted to do was touch him; and the fact that Harry knows what Louis' lips feel like made it even worse. 

He woke up with a hard-on every morning because of his dreams; and he had eventually lost all of his self-respect and wanked over the thought of Louis. 

Harry had decided that he was definitely bisexual. The thought of being with a man was just as exciting as being with a woman to him. He didn't see what all the hype was about, though. He liked vagina and he also liked dick. Why did everyone had to complicate things? It was really as simple as that. 

The boys had a break for five days, and Niall, Liam, and Zayn had plans to return home. Louis said that he thought it'd be best if he stayed away from home for the moment, with the divorce he was quite upset about everything. Harry just didn't give a fuck and really needed time to relax, so he stayed as well. 

 

It wasn't until the other three had left that the two realized that they would be alone together for five days. 

 

______________________


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset, when the rain set in. And your footsteps will always fall here along England's greenest hills. Your candle burned out long before your legend ever will.

Monday  
Day 1

Louis woke up to the sound of a door slamming and a now-empty house. There was seldom a day that Louis and the other boys didn't wake up to Harry not being there; he often wandered the streets or met up with his hipster friends for coffee early in the morning. 

Today, however, was the first time that Harry's leaving had woken Louis up. Normally, Harry slipped out as quiet as a mouse so as to not wake the other boys. Clearly, he had no problem waking Louis. 

Checking his phone, he saw that it was only 7 am. Louis sighed, turning over onto his back in the attempt of getting more sleep. 

____________

 

Harry woke up to the realization that he was in the flat alone with Louis. He considered his options for a few minutes, he figured he could either clear out, pretend like everything between him and Louis wasn't total shit, or confront him. He decided it'd be best to leave Louis alone and go for a walk and some coffee with Nick. It was only 6 in the morning so Harry roamed the streets for a few hours, watching the city slowly wake up.

At around 9, Harry wandered into the coffee shop that he and Nick frequented with their other friends. He had unknowingly left his phone at home; so he had to leave a meeting with any of his friends to chance. 

After ordering his usual coffee, Harry made his way to the sofa in the back of the cafe that his he and his friends always occupied. They all often joked at their resemblance to Friends; although in all actuality they were nothing like the characters from the famous show. 

He smiled as he saw Nick sitting alone, playing on his phone as usual. Harry's friend was a tall, slim, older boy with a tall brown quiff and a gorgeous smile. Nick worked at BBC Radio 1, as Scott Mills' main stand in presenter; but everyone knew that this gig was just the beginning for Nick Grimshaw.

"Grimmmmmmm!! Great to see you mate; left my phone back at the flat this morning but I figured you'd be here," Harry said as he sat down next to Nick. 

"Hey you tosser! I've only been texting you all day, thought you hated me or something!" he ruffled Harry's hair as he spoke. 

"Could never hate you Nicky, you know that!"

Their banter continued until both their coffees had long gone cold; the sun was now high in the sky and Harry was trying to map a route back to his flat without anyone seeing him. 

Harry was lost in imaginary maps of London when Nick cleared his throat, "I'd best be going before I'm late to work, again."

He snapped out of his thoughts from a hand on his leg and the vision of Nick leaning in closer. And Harry wanted to lean in as well; he wanted to kiss Nick, he really did. However no matter how hard he tried, the only face he could picture was Louis' and the only lips he ever wanted to feel on his were the thin, soft ones that belonged to his band mate. 

He cleared his throat and leaned back a little, pulling at the collar of his shirt, "Nick, we've talked about this." He always felt extremely awkward whenever his older friend brought up his sexuality or Nick's own feelings for Harry. He was a great guy, an amazing friend, and Harry was sure that he would make an excellent boyfriend. But Harry just wasn't ready. He first needed to focus on getting over Louis and learning to love himself before loving anyone else.

Nick cringed away, dropping his hand from Harry's knee, "right, sorry. Well, I'll see you later then." He stood up and stalked out of the building before Harry could blink. 

_____________

Tuesday   
The second day 

 

Monday had passed quickly and quietly; Louis didn't leave the house once and Harry didn't return until he was already asleep. Louis didn't ask where Harry was going when he snuck out in the early hours of Tuesday morning; and Harry didn't tell. 

The two had a silent understanding: they weren't to talk to each other, just pretend that everything was okay and they didn't want to a) strangle each other, or b) rip each other's clothes off. 

Tuesday and Wednesday passed in the same fashion; Harry leaving before Louis was out of bed and coming home after he was asleep. Louis assumed Harry had been out all day with his pretentious hipster friends—after all of this ignoring one another nonsense (because, let's be real here, Louis was only hanging on by a thread; all of this would be over soon), he would have to have a serious discussion with Harry about some of his friendships. 

 

_______________

Thursday  
The fourth day

It was four in the afternoon and Louis still hadn't left his bed. He could hear Harry in their living room; Louis assumed that Harry had intended to 'talk' today. The thing was, he couldn't get the strength to face him. It was painful enough to have to see him on a normal basis—but to have to /talk/ to him about everything, alone, was just too much to bear. He knew that getting up was inevitable; his stomach was actually hurting from hunger. 

He got up from bed and creaked his bedroom door open; sneaking a glance at Harry. He was laying on the sofa watching something that Louis couldn't identify, although he looked very interested in it. He was wearing nothing but a pair of grey joggers, /of course/. Louis wanted to walk into the room and snuggle up to his side, nestling in his warmth. 

He was pulled from his daydreams as Harry looked over at him, offering his meekest smile before focusing back on the tele. Louis took this as a good sign and, reassured, walked into the kitchen to get some Lucky Charms.

An hour passed of the two of them sitting on opposite sides of the room, not making eye contact and not talking, before Harry muted the TV and looked sadly at Louis.

"Lou, we can't keep at this."

"I know, this show is absolute shit. Why haven't you turned it yet" Louis opted for humor, as usual, in the hopes of Harry dropping the subject. 

"No, Lou," Harry said solemnly, shaking his head, "don't play dumb with me; you know good and well what I'm talking about."

"So what do you propose we do, Harry? I'm handling this as best as I know how; I don't know what you expect me to do about a silly crush," Louis stated. 

"A crush? Is that what you think this is, a crush!? Crushes don't last for this long, Louis. Crushes don't make you feel like tho. I've had crushes, and plenty of them! I'm not some schoolboy crushing on you!" Harry exclaimed.

"Harry, I really don't know what to say. You're just young and confused by our friendship; but that's okay! We're just closer than most friends, there's nothing wrong with that!" Louis was so close to giving up, but he still hadn't quite abandoned all self control. 

"Louis I love you! I know you love me too so don't even start with that bullshit! I've seen the way you look at me! The way you touch me! I've been so, so fucking gone for you ever since you first jumped into my arms and you know it!" Harry's face was already covered in tears, and Louis hated that all he wanted to do was kiss every single on off of Harry's flushed cheeks. 

"Harry, stop! We can't do this, okay? Yes, I do have feelings for you; but that doesn't mean that we can be together! I'm sorry that I led you to believe all these things but I'm 19 and you're only 17! For fucks sake, Harry, you're still a child! And I'm a sick bastard for even thinking about being with you! I can't, I can't do that to you! Just please understand me," Louis could feel himself getting angrier, more disgusted with himself by the second. 

Why couldn't Harry understand? He was so young and innocent and a /boy/ for Christ's sake! Louis wasn't gay! He couldn't be. And especially not with Harry! He was only seventeen, his thoughts about Harry were practically child porn! I L L E G A L AND D I S G U S T I N G!!!!

"Louis, please, please, don't do this. I've never been so sure about anything in my life. I love you so fucking much. Just, please, give me a chance. I know that I'm goofy and awkward, and that you deserve so much better; but I'll try, Louis. I'll do anything for you." Harry was practically begging now, and why was Louis finding it so hard to deny him? 

It was just-it's HARRY, with his outrageous hair and his intense green eyes and his plump, pink lips and his dimples and tall, awkward body and stupid jokes and awful hipster/indie/NYSNC/Stevie Wonder music taste. He was so gentle and caring and wonderful and everything that Louis had ever dreamed of. 

"Harry, you know that's not true. Well, yes, you're goofy and awkward and a lot of other things, but I love that about you. You're also caring and kind of funny and genuine and just fucking gorgeous. But that has nothing to do with why I'm saying no. 

I've never felt like this towards any other guy, and it's scary, okay? My whole life I've only fancied girls, and now here you are; making me feel things that I don't know what to make of. And what is everyone else going to say? We're nearly famous; don't you think this is going to hurt our careers? No teenage girl is going to dream about marrying us if we're gay! And I don't even know if I am gay? What if we're both wrong about this, Harry? Then what? And you're a child! Does it not gross you out that I'm so much older than you? I feel like I'm ruining your purity just by having this conversation with you."

Harry took a step towards Louis, who, against his better judgement, stayed where he was. 

"I know that I'm not wrong about this, Lou. And who gives a shit if we're both guys? Yeah, I've never fancied another guy either; but why does it matter? I know you're not religious so it can't be that. And I know that you support marriage equality-so why can't you be 'gay'? And yeah, maybe it'll hurt us a little within the little girl age group. But the teenagers? They don't give a shit—they'll be happy that we're happy. Plus, the whole lgbt community will support us, too. So that just leaves the age gap, and there's not too much to say on that. Yeah, you're 19; but I'm 17 and that's only a two year difference. It's not even that big of a deal. Oh-and, I'm not as 'pure' as you think."

Louis sighed, running his hands through his hair, "I just don't want you to get hurt, Harry. Do you know how many awful things will be said about us? What about our families; what will they think? The other lads; what if they aren't good with the prospect of living with two gay guys? There are so many other things we have to think about, not just ourselves."

Harry smiled sadly and put his hands on Louis' face, running his thumbs over his cheekbones before dropping his hands back to his sides, "Lou, please, for once in your life, stop being so selfless. You've always put someone else first, your mum, little sisters, and now me. But what about you? Don't you deserve to be happy? I know that you're not now; Louis I know you better than that. And, look, I know that everyone won't be pleased with us; but who cares? I'm not happy either, I can't count on one hand the number of nights that I haven't cried myself to sleep. This is killing me; and I know it's killing you, too. Be happy with me, please"

Louis, for the first time in his life, was genuinely at a loss for words. How could he possibly reply to that? How could he argue with that? He knew that Harry was right, that he was right about everything; but how could he tell him that?

Harry looked at him with earnest eyes and a timid smile; so Louis did all he knew to do. Slowly, he took two steps closer and put his arms around Harry's neck, and whispered a hushed /okay/. The two stared at each other for what seemed like hours but only felt like seconds before Louis spoke again.

"This is the most terrifying thing I have ever done; but I've got a good feeling about this, Haz. I love you," before giving Harry time to respond, Louis closed the gaps between their lips. 

The kiss was tentative at first, warm and sweet brushes of soft lips. Louis had never really enjoyed simple kisses; he was always anxious to move faster. However, with Harry, everything that he had previously thought about kissing was proven wrong. Louis had no clue how Harry had gotten so good at this, but /wow/. There was something about the timid but sure way that Harry kissed him, the way that his arms curled around Louis' waist, pulling him in. 

After several minutes of gentle kisses, Louis hesitantly licked at Harry's bottom lip. He quickly complied, opening his mouth to Louis' roaming tongue. His mouth tasted like coffee and sweet pastries, and Louis decided that Harry's mouth was the greatest taste in the world. 

Louis could feel the familiar heat coiling low in his stomach, and just-since when did he get so turned on by a kiss? He knew that it was unwise to stay kissing for much longer or else he was going to be in a very uncomfortable situation; but, for the moment, all Louis could think about was Harry's tongue against his, Harry's warm bare chest against his clothed one, Harry's arms around his waist—all of his thoughts were a chorus of /HarryHarryHarry/.

Harry's hands wandered to the hem of Louis' shirt, and, after a moments hesitation, began to trace circles on his bare side before pulling Louis' shirt over his head. They were both a bit disappointed by the lack of lip contact as Louis' shirt came of; they didn't waste any time in finding their way back to each other. 

After several minutes of Louis reveling in the fact that he was /finally/ making out with Harry, he slowly pulled away. 

"Are you sure about this?" Louis questioned; he was still having a hard time believing that Harry actually wanted to be with him. 

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Now come on," Harry replied, taking Louis' hand in his own, "wanna make you feel good."

Louis felt like he just got the wind knocked out of him, "what-I just-er," he didn't know the right way to say 'do you even know how?' 

Harry looked back at him, a teasing smile on his lips, "told ya, Lou. Not as innocent as you think."

Louis felt the jealousy rise, "and who did you lose your," he paused, "innocence to? Is our young Harold no longer a virgin?"

A blush crept up Harry's neck as he bash fully smiled, "well-er, yeah I'm still a virgin but I've, um, done /stuff/."

Okay, so he was still virgin.. But Louis couldn't help but be extremely jealous of this mystery girl—or was it a guy? "You didn't answer the first question."

Harry sighed, "doesn't really matter. Wasn't anything special."

Louis narrowed his gaze—why was this bothering him so much? "It matters to me."

"Uhm, well I guess I was out with friends one night and I just got a little-a lot drunk and I was upset and I experimented with a friend, but it was nothing," he assured.

"Who's this friend, Harry?"

"Nick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay they finally got together. These chapters have been so difficult to write because I just want them together so bad!! Since this is a reality fic most of what I'm going to write is going to be what I believe to be true, but not everything!! Basically now it wil be a bunch of angst. Management, Elounor, pr stunts, matching tattoos—everything. Hopefully this isn't too bad of a chapter. Actually, hopefully people actually read this chapter! Well if anyone does then thanks for reading :) x


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They crawled out of the woodwork, and they whispered into your brain. They set you on the treadmill, and they made you change for fame. And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in. 
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> Loveliness we've lost, these empty days without your smile. This torch we'll always carry for our nation's golden child. And even though we try, the truth brings us to tears. All our words cannot express the joy you brought us through the years.  
> And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind—never fading with the sunset, when the rain set in.  
> And your footsteps will always fall here, along England's greenest hills. Your candle's burned out long before, your legend ever will

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Goodbye Norma Jean the other day and I think that the original is very good for Harry and the remake for Lady Diana is good for Louis so yeah :)

Louis' heart stopped, "Nick? You fooled around with Nick Grimshaw? Of all people, Nicholas Grimshaw? Really?"

"Yeah, it was nobigdeal," Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "I was upset about us and confused about what I liked; so, naturally, I went to my gay friend to get some answers."

"and what 'answers' did you get?" Louis was being unreasonable and, really, he had no place to get upset about any of this, but Nick? Really? The bloke was even older than Louis!

"Well, now i know that I like guys as much as I like girls, and that I can give a killer blowjob. But I also know that Nick will never be you, Louis. No matter how hard he tries - or how much I wished he could be, he's not you. What we did taught me about myself when you were to scared to take a risk. But Lou, I was too scared of not taking the risk and being unhappy with a woman forever. You've got to understand that.. The idea of being with another guy scared me just as much as you're freaking out right now - don't think I haven't noticed, - but the idea of never falling in love or being happy scared me a hell of a lot more. So I took the risk and I found myself," Harry took Louis' hands and lead him into his room.

His speech calmed Louis a little and reassured him a lot. It was just - Louis was, naturally, pretty jealous of Nick. He got to spend everyday with Harry, and was also comfortable with his sexuality. "I get it Harry, but, things may get uncomfortable here, but I just really need to know - what all did you two exactly do?"

"Um," Harry sighed, "made out for a bit, gave each other blowjobs, and he, um, fingered me?"

Louis' head shot up, "so you'd be the - wow this is a conversation I never thought I'd have - you'd be the bottom?"

Harry blushed and ducked his head, "I mean I liked it I guess?"

The elder boy cocked his eyebrow, "you guess?"

"Okay, yeah, I definitely liked it a lot."

Louis felt extremely jealous, "yeah?"

He didn't give Harry any time to answer before he pulled him to the bed and straddled his waist, "I'll make you forget about Nick's hands without even taking your clothes off you." He kissed the younger boy roughly, letting out months worth of pent up sexual frustration into one kiss. He moved his mouth to Hary's jawline, kissing from ear to ear. He then sucked and bit at his neck, coaxing moans from the boy laying beneath him.

Louis could feel the younger boy's erection against his, and, experimentally, ground his hips down onto Harry. He bucked up at this, panting wildly and whispering a string of "ohgodohgod" and "louislouislouis." His reaction was more than enough encouragement for Louis, who very well thought he could come just from the sound of his name on Harry's lips. 

His mouth had now roamed down to Harry's prominent collar bones, licking and sucking dark bruises into milky skin. His hands were on the green eyed boy's hips, holding him down as Louis continued to grind filthily on top of him. 

After deeming his work on Harry's neck satisfactory, he moved his lips back to the other boy's. Harry responded immediately, licking hotly into the older boy's mouth and pushing up against him. 

"Not gonna last much longer," Harry panted as Louis ground down again. 

"Then come for me."

 

__________________

 

Afterwards, the two boys lay together, sticky and sweaty, in order to catch their breath. 

"That. Was. Amazing." Harry stated. 

"You're amazing," Louis laughed, "I, uh, I'm sorry if you wanted to do more.. It's just - I'm probably going to have to take it slow. Just get used to the idea of everything, y'know?"

Harry kissed Louis softly, "there's no rush, baby. I would pick you over going further with anyone else any day."

Louis looked at the younger boy bashfully, wondering how he had become the more experienced one, "so.. Better than Nick?"

Harry looked up at Louis from his position on the older boy's chest, he looked like a fucking god. His skin was tan and flushed from his orgasm, and his brown fringe was messy from Harry's hands. "Nick who?"

___________________

Friday  
The fifth day 

Harry was awake well before Louis, but he was perfectly content laying in the older boys arms as he waited for him to wake up. Today was do or die. The boys were returning home around dinnertime, so the two had to discuss how - or if - they were going to tell them and their management. Harry couldn't think about that though; all he was worried about was if Louis was going to regret everything in the light of day. 

Harry knew he'd never recover. 

Louis began to stir around an hour and a half after Harry woke up. At first glance, he was calm and sated from his sleep, before panicking at the sight of Harry in his arms. After a second however, he remembered the events from the night before and smiled. Harry was finally his. 

"Morning sunshine," Louis mumbled, his voice thick and raspy with sleep. "Time is it?"

"Good morning, Sleepyhead. It's 11," Harry replied as he carded his fingers through Louis' hair. 

"Mmmmm.. Boys are coming home today," Louis conversed, not fully understanding what all of that entailed. 

Harry eyed him carefully, "they are. So are we going to be like this or....?"

"What d'you mean, love? How else would we be?" Louis questioned him as he yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 

"Well - I just didn't know if you'd want to be all couple-y in front of them? I mean I get it if you wouldn't.. I just wasn't sure."

Louis looked down at Harry who was still laying in his arms and hesitated. Now that the subject was brought up, he was pretty worried about telling the other lads, although he wasn't sure why. He wasn't embarrassed by Harry in the least bit, and he didn't think he was embarrassed by Harry being a guy either. He decided it was simply nerves and went with what he figured to be what was right. "Course I want to act normally around the boys, Harry. We're finally together; I'm sure the boys will be just as happy as we are about that," he said as he kissed Harry's head. "Now come on, I'm starved."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was probably really really bad but I wanted them to come out to everyone in the same chapter so the next will be telling the boys/management/their parents .... The angst is getting close

**Author's Note:**

> I've been searching for a NON AU for 80 years so I decided to write my own.


End file.
